Adjusting to Asian culture

One of the things you will deal with as a westerner living in Asia is a difference in culture. Its easy to say that but to live it can get frustrating at times. There are small things like on your birthday you buy everyone else lunch/dinner which is interesting. But one of the things I have been dealing a lot with recently is that due to the over politeness and the fear of hurting peoples feelings Asians (perhaps only the Javanese) often say one thing to your face then something completely different behind your back. They gossip to no end and have hidden expectations that they never tell you to expect. This of course is not to say that people in the west don't gossip or have hidden agendas but I've never seen it so prevalent as I have in Jakarta. It is a constant frustration for those of us who are blunt and assume what is asked is what is expected. When someone tells you, "its okay to go home at 2:30 instead of 3" What they really mean is "No, you cannot go home before 3." When someone says "No its not compulsory, you don't have to come to the Christmas party if you don't want." What they mean is "You have to go to the Christmas party and I am very offended that you do not want to go." When someone says "Sure you can do your grading at home if that is easier for you" What they mean is "No, you must work in your office so we can make sure you are completing your required tasks."